MARRIAGE AND A SILVER TEA POT!

Marriage is made up of many different components. I chose the word component deliberately as the dictionary states it is a ‘constituent part or aspect of something more complex” and if something is complex it is made up of various interconnected parts, and believe me when I tell you, that once you are married, your marriage consists entirely of interconnected parts!

“For this reason a man will…..be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). You cannot get anymore ‘interconnected’ than that.

The challenge here, however, is the fact that before you took your marriage vows, you were both two individual beings, with two different upbringings, maybe even different cultures or races and now you are ‘interconnected’. One of the most important ways to stay that way is to COMPROMISE. To compromise means to find a midway point between the two of you that you can both agree on when you have different ideas, and sometimes it means that one or the other of you actually has to yield or concede entirely to a request/need/desire of the spouse.

I am speaking now about compromising in the “living together on a daily basis” areas of your marriage. Hopefully, by the time you walked down the aisle and out of the church with your new spouse you had already ‘compromised’ on things like where you were going to worship as a couple, how many children you each want, whether you would agree to take an in-law into your home if the need arose etc. This is why premarital counselling is vital, because it is during these counselling sessions, that those subjects are discussed and debated on, and hopefully solutions that both spouses can live with, are found if there are any major differences.

I will give you an example of two (of the many) compromises that my husband and I made in the first months of our marriage. I am the only person I have ever known whose husband brought a tea pot into the marriage! Steve is from Northern Ireland and when he left there in 1990 to come to South Africa, his mother bought him a silver tea pot as a going away gift. For the first time in my life I learnt that there was a whole ritual involved when making a cup of tea.

I had always just put a tea bag into a cup, filled the cup up with boiling water, let the tea bag soak a wee while and then taken it out, added some milk and ‘hey presto’ a lovely cup of tea! My husband, however, had never drunk a cup of tea made in that way before.

The correct way to make tea is as follows:

1. You boil the kettle
2. You then pour a little bit of hot water into the tea pot, swirl it around (to warm the pot) and then throw it out into the sink
3. Put two tea bags into the pot (for two cups of tea) and fill the pot up with the necessary amount of water
4. Place tea pot on the stove and let it brew for a few minutes on a low heat
5. Put a little milk into two cups
6. Pour tea into the tea cups

I did this every morning for three months after we got married! At the beginning of the fourth month when I walked into the kitchen to make tea I thought to myself “I am not going to go through this rigmarole for the rest of my life”. I made sure Steve could not see me, put a tea bag into a cup, let it stew for a little while, took it out and added a little milk and then took the cup to my husband.

He took three sips, looked at me and said “You made this in the cup. You didn’t use the tea pot”.

Now, this is where the compromise came in. I could have decided that a) I was never going to make him a cup of tea again b) I would continue to make it in the cup and he would just have to get used to it or c) I would continue the “rigmarole” of making the tea in a tea pot for the rest of my life.

If I had chosen a) or b) it would have caused a lot of friction between Steve and I and would have been an issue every day of our lives. Because I love Steve and because that is the way he likes his tea I made the conscious decision that I would take the extra time, every morning for the rest of my life, to make the tea his way. It was a major compromise for me.

Steve had to compromise on face/dish cloths! (Well, no-one ever said life was fair!!)

Ever since he was a young boy he had rinsed the face/dish cloth out, then squeezed the excess water out of it with one hand and just left it bundled up on the sink/wash basin. This really used to upset me. I mean how on earth is the cloth meant to dry properly if the water is not squeezed out with both hands, the cloth then shaken and  laid out on a surface? I could not believe he could not see my point – it was so obvious!

Steve decided, that because he loved me and wanted me to be happy, he would compromise and unlearn a habit of a life time to please me EVEN though it made no sense to him.

So, if you walk into our home you will see the same silver tea pot sitting on the top of the stove in the kitchen and all the face/dish cloths laid out neatly on various surfaces. We have both been compromising for 22 years now and we don’t even think about it any more!

“Love ……is not self-seeking”  (1 Corinthians 13:5)

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Noelene Curry

Noelene Curry lives in Cape Town, South Africa with her Irish husband, three daughters, one dog and two rabbits. Noelene is a public speaker and author of God’s Promise for Families. On her blog, she writes about God’s redeeming love and His ability to restore people and relationships. Her passion in life is for couples, not just to stay married, but to be happily married. She loves reading, walking, traveling and bush camping. Connect with her on Facebook.

Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/

BABY RABBITS ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE ......

Once again I stand in awe and amazement at how great our God is.  We have recently had five new additions to our family.  On the 16^th September our dwarf rabbit gave birth to five little rabbits!  

We got Snowflake (Snowy for short) in January this year.

In April my youngest daughter and I went to the pet shop to buy some rabbit food.  There was a rabbit hutch at the entrance to the pet shop and inside was the cutest little dwarf rabbit.  They allowed my youngest to hold the rabbit and she never put it down again!  After paying for the food and the rabbit we drove home and Frodo joined our family.

My husband has forbidden us to ever set foot in a pet shop again and told us that from now on we have to buy rabbit food from the local super market!

A day before the babies were born Snowy started to pluck her fur out with her mouth and 'spit' it into the tray they slept in.  In some places on her body she had blood spots from pulling the fur out and her little body looked 'denuded'.

On Tuesday when our youngest went to change their water and food before school she gave a shout and we all rushed outside to see five, squirmy little beings wriggling around in the tray covered with the fur that Snowy had pulled from her own body.

As we daily watch these little things grow I marvel at how much detail and thought God put into His creation.  The fact, that purely out of instinct (placed there by God), Snowy knew that she had to pluck her fur out, in order that the babies could be kept warm.  The fact, that they are growing and thriving means that she is feeding them on a regular basis, and yet no-one has shown her what to do. We were privileged to watch her feeding them one morning.

Way back at the beginning of creation God said "Let the land produce living creatures ......God made ...all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds.  And God saw that it was good." (Genesis 1:24,25)

As I watch this miracle of birth and growth unfolding daily my heart echoes what the Psalmist said:

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  

His love endures forever.

To Him alone who does great wonders,

His love endures forever.

And who gives food to every creature

His love endures for ever.

(Psalm 136)

PROUD YOUNGEST DAUGHTER AND DADDY RABBIT

THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BEING A MOTHER

One of the hardest things for me as a mother is the fact that I sometimes struggle to not allow my children’s attitudes to rob me of my own joy of living.

Their times of moodiness, their fighting, their lack of showing any appreciation for what they have can sometimes rob me of my joy in living.  I find myself coming home at the end of a day, driving into the driveway, switching the car off and not having the courage or the energy to get out the car and enter the house.

All I want to do, with every fibre of my being, is to drive straight out the driveway again and just keep on going.

The thought of the sheer monotony of having to cook supper, which will be eaten within minutes with no real appreciation, then having to wash the dishes and pack away, nagging the children to help, coupled with all the other responsibilities of  having children, just overwhelms me and I want to push my foot down on the accelerator and just get out of there!

It is at times like this that I find myself repeating the words of a song by Don Francisco “Love is not a feeling, it is an act of the will”.  It is a song about the love between a husband and a wife but the words are just so appropriate to what I am feeling in that moment!

“You could never imagine it could turn out so rough

You give and give and give, still it’s never enough”

And then there are the times when they are unhappy and hurting because they are struggling with friendship issues or personal challenges and their hurt overwhelms me and I long to take their pain away and would willingly carry it for them if I could and I have to struggle not to let their pain rob me of my own joy of living.

I carry on singing the same song as I remember the One who did take the world’s pain and suffering upon Himself:

“Jesus didn’t die for you because it was fun

He hung there for love because it had to be done

And despite of the anguish, His word was fulfilled”

I then think of His words “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28) and “The Lord is my helper” (Hebrews 13:7)  and “The Lord is my strength and my song” (Isaiah 12:2) and these beautiful words in Isaiah 61 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, and He bestows on me the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair”.

And as I sit and reflect on all these things, my foot slowly lifts off the accelerator, and I remember again that my joy does not depend on any external circumstances, or on my feelings and emotions – “God, alone, is my joy and my delight” (Psalm 43:4).

“Love is not a feeling”  can be heard on http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/don-francisco-lyrics/love-is-not-a-feeling-lyrics.html

KEEPING OUR HEADS ABOVE THE PAVEMENT

“Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature’s laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems that by keeping its dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared. You see you wouldn’t ask why the rose that grew from the concrete had damaged petals. On the contrary, we would all celebrate its tenacity. We would all love its will to reach the sun. Well, we are the rose – this is the concrete – and these are my damaged petals.”

 -Tupac Shakur 

I came across the above quote on the blog site “takingthemaskoff”.   The blog is entitled LOST AND NEVER FOUND:  AN ALCOHOLIC’S UNKNOWN STORY.

It is an incredibly well written piece and if you, or anyone you know, suffers from a mental illness or an addiction – depression, alcoholism, cutting, anorexia, gambling etc – this blog is definitely worth reading.  http://takingthemaskoff.com/2014/08/19/lost-and-never-found-an-alcoholics-unknown-story/comment-page-2/#comment-982

Just realized what a superfluous statement that is “if you, or anyone you know, suffers …….”

I don’t think there is anyone in the world today who isn't suffering or who doesn't  know someone who is suffering.

The majority of us have bruised leaves and we are all striving to keep our heads up off the pavement.

I look at the images above and marvel at the sheer determination and tenacity of these plants.  They have managed to grow and flourish despite the most severe odds stacked against them.

Despite the fact that they have no background, no knowledge of their parental seed, no grounding, no good role models they have still succeeded in growing into the most beautiful flowers that bring joy to most people who see them.

They have embraced the little they have – oxygen, sunshine and rainwater supplied by God – and have grown and flourished.

They have concentrated on growing every day instead of filling their days with regret and anger and bitterness as to where they have been placed!  Or constantly asking "why me?"  "Why could I not have been planted in beautiful fertile soil instead of just being dropped haphazardly onto the pavement and left there alone?"

I wish more of us could be like these plants and flowers. 

Thanking God every day for what we do have and making the most of what we have been given. Continually looking up towards the Son.

Not looking at others and judging how they are doing, or being envious because it seems that they have more than we have.

But just striving to grow into the person God created us to be and in that way bring joy to those who pass us by.

Below is a link to a video that everyone should watch at least once in their life time.

"learned to walk without having feet"

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10153154817558902&set=vb.672878901&type=2&theater

 Photos courtesy of google!

"OWNING UP" (EVEN IF IT MEANS PEOPLE THINK YOU HAVE ESCAPED FROM A MENTAL ASYLUM!)

I am married to a wonderful man – a conservative man, but a truly lovely guy!

This is why the following story has had such an impact on my life because I know just how conservative he is!

I asked Steven if I could share his story and he graciously agreed. It occurred in September 2004 when he 'owned up' to knowing God.  At that time I asked him to write down what had transpired and this is what he wrote:

Whilst driving down Voortrekker Road in Maitland I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me as I passed the Teko Chemical Buildings.  This was originally the site for the Cape Organ builders.

I had often driven past these premises and thought what a good work site this would be for our company!

I felt God telling me to phone the number on the outside of the building.  I did not – I drove to Atlantis and carried on working.  On my return down Voortrekker Road and as I was nearing the Teko building I felt God once again saying to me, phone the number that is on the wall.  I picked up my cell phone and dialed the number and asked to speak to the manager.  I had no idea what I was going to say to him!

I was put through to a guy called Charles so I said to him, "I’m just phoning to inquire if the building is up for sale or maybe will be in the future".  He told me that he believed the building had just been sold but would check to see whether the sale had gone through.

He took my name and number and said he would get back to me.

I drove back to our hired premises and told my office manageress that we had just missed the sale of excellent premises.  I had hardly finished telling her about it when my cell phone rang.  It was the other manager, Renier, phoning from Teko and he asked whether I would go in and see them the following day.

I arrived at the premises at nine the following morning.  I was introduced to the two partners.  I was in jeans and my steel toe cap boots and they were dressed in suits and ties!  They sat me across the table from them and Charles asked me how I had known that the building was for sale as nothing had been advertised.  I hesitated not knowing how I was going to tell them that I had heard a voice in my head the day before telling me to phone and inquire.  I heard the same voice again prompting me to tell them the truth, so I took a deep breath and told them that as I was driving past the building a voice in my head told me to phone the company number.  I proceeded to tell them that I was a believing Christian and I believed it had been God speaking to me.

They both looked at each other and started to laugh, and I thought “that’s it!  They think I am crazy. They are going to throw me out of here!” They then proceeded to tell me that they were also believing Christians and when I had phoned the day before they had been praying to God about their situation as the person who had agreed to buy the building, via a private sale, had just pulled out of the deal because he had not been able to obtain the finances.

I advised them that I had no money either and would have to contact the bank but that I really wanted the building!  The bank granted me a building loan and when I phoned to tell them they said that the man who had pulled out of the deal had walked into their offices half an hour after  I had left them, cash in hand, to buy the building.  He had managed to raise the finances after all.  They informed him that the building had already been sold.

If Steve had not said yes to God by phoning that number and by acknowledging, before strangers, that he had heard a voice in his head that he believed was God’s telling him to phone, even at the risk of sounding like he had just escaped from a mental asylum, he would not be in those premises today.

Steve could have just told them that he had phoned on the off chance it was for sale but would also have had to add that he had no money and no security to offer for a loan.

So when the gentleman walked into their offices, cash in hand, they would have sold it to him and Steve would have missed out on an incredible blessing from God.

Over the years he has told this story to encourage others to listen to and acknowledge God’s voice and it has been an incredible encouragement and witness to us of God’s care and interest in our lives.

If he had not said “yes” to God he would have no story to share and would also have missed out on the amazing business premises he now has.

In Isaiah God says to each one of us who believe in Him “I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be discouraged for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:9 & 10)

And then He goes on to say “I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness, I will take hold of your hand.  I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open the eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.”

All we as believers have to do is to 'own up' to knowing Him.

IN HONOUR OF MY DAD'S 85TH BIRTHDAY!

My dad, Edward Raymond Lutge, known as Ray from birth, turned 85 on the 23rd August 2014!

In the words of Colin Garvie:  "Ray has had a colourful ministry as a missionary of the SUM in Nigeria and now a Supernumerary Minister of the MCSA."

He is a truly remarkable man.
He accepted Jesus into his life when he was a young teenager and through many hardships, joy, pain, immense heart ache and much laughter he never wavered in his belief that God was good and faithful.
He took to heart the words Jesus spoke:
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men".
Not only was he a 'fisher of men' but he was also a great fisherman!

When he left school he qualified as a plumber.
He also trained as a missionary with the Sudan United Mission and spent a few years as a missionary in Nigeria on a leprosy mission settlement.

He then studied and qualified as a school teacher and taught for many years.
At the age of 60 he was ordained as a Methodist minister.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!  GOD BLESS.

THE IMPERFECT CHURCH

“If you think you have finally found the perfect church, DON’T become a member of it, as it will then no longer be perfect”1 (someone once said!)

Yesterday we were driving through Carlisle, England and the sign above caught my eye.  I made hubby drive around the block and find a parking space in order that I could take a photograph of it.

The words resonated strongly with me.

The church is there for sinners!

My personal definition of the church is “anybody who believes that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again in order that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life”.

There are church buildings, and then there is the 'church',  made up of people living all over the world.

Some of the loneliest and depressed people are found in a church building.  One of my dearest friends who used to live on the streets told me once, that he was initially far lonelier in the church than he had ever been on the streets.  He felt that a lot of folks who went to church were hypocrites – because they were Christians they felt they had to pretend that everything was fine in their lives. As though by believing in Jesus Christ they were no longer allowed to be honest and open about their negative emotions!  That by admitting they were feeling depressed/angry/hurt/sad/a failure they were basically negating their faith in Christ.

Someone else once said “Christians are not perfect, they are just forgiven and their sin/mistakes/faults are no longer held against them”.

That is my kind of Christianity.  Knowing that I live in God’s grace.

Over the centuries some churches have lost sight of God’s commandment “love one another as I have loved you” and are far more interested in the ‘man made’ rules which even churches of different denominations differ on.

Adult water baptism – right or wrong?

Communion - some denominations will not allow somebody from another denomination to take full communion?

Child baptism – a must or not really necessary?

Apartheid – separation of different races – which some churches actually justified by using Biblical scriptures?

Once you accept Jesus as your Saviour and are filled with the Holy Spirit you cannot continue behaving in the same way.  You need to strive to be more Christ like, to love others as He has loved you BUT to know that when you “blow it” you have the option of confessing your sin and being forgiven.

I have just read this to my husband and he stated “On the basis of what you have just written I would be put off church for life!”

That is not my intention at all – to put anybody off joining a church!  I do, however, believe that in order to be happy and accepted in a church, you need to find a church like the one advertised above. 

A church that accepts everybody and strives to love everyone who enters their doors as Christ loves us.  That means that the majority of people in the church need to have the same goals and basic belief that everyone is worth loving.

There are always going to be people in the church building that you are not going to agree with and some people who you will just not like, but if the majority of people in the church building invite others in the building into their homes for meals and fellowship, if the majority, who are more financially wealthy, share with those who are in need, if the majority are willing to forgive each other, than I would say that is the church you need to join.

My friend eventually found great healing, acceptance and warmth in the church and learnt to look past the few people who he felt judged him.  It is vital to fellowship with other Believers and to have God’s word explained by others who have had a revelation of the Scriptures and are able to teach God’s truth.

And yes, I do belong to a church!  In fact, I have been a member of my church, Mowbray Presbyterian Church in Cape Town, South Africa for over 17 years.

My church is filled with all kinds of people – different races, different upbringings, some are selfish, greedy and needy – far from perfect, but they all love the Lord and strive to live their lives sharing Christ's love with others.

1.  This quote has been attributed to Cardinal Dolan of  New York