"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, LORD!"

One of the Biblical characters that I most identify with is the prophet Elijah. He had major ups and downs, suffered from depression and frustration, was weak willed and often felt sorry for himself, and yet, he was known as one of the boldest of God’s prophets!  I identify with the first part of what I wrote, not the prophetic part!!

1.  At one time God told Elijah to hide near a brook and said “I have ordered the ravens to feed you” and they do just that “the ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening”.

2.  Elijah had authority through God to tell a widow that her “jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry” and that is what happened.  There was a never ending supply of flour and oil in the house.

3.  This same widows’ son dies and Elijah cries out to God “O Lord my God, let this boy’s life return to him!” and “the Lord heard Elijah’s cry, and the boy’s life returned to him”.

4.  Elijah challenges four hundred and fifty of Baal’s prophets to call down fire from Baal and set a bull on an altar on fire.  The prophets cry out the whole day to Baal but nothing happens.  Elijah had made a separate altar and placed another bull on it with heaps of wood underneath it.  He then says he will call on his God to reign down fire from heaven and then, adds insult to injury, and tells some folks to fill four large jars with water and pour it over the altar.  He tells them to do this three times.  Once this is done, he calls upon the Lord and “the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil”!

Elijah then has all the prophets put to death.  The queen of the land at that time happens to be a woman named Jezebel and she is bitterly unhappy about the fact that all her prophets have been killed and she sends this message to Elijah “You killed my prophets, and now I swear by the gods that I am going to kill you by this time tomorrow night” and this man, who has witnessed the most awesome miracles, the incredible faithfulness of God, turns around and flees for his life!

He has just called down the power of God to start a fire with wood that has been drenched, he has been instrumental in bringing someone back to life from death, and yet, at the threat from a woman he flees for his life into the desert where he finds a tree, sits underneath it and gives in to self- pity! “I have had enough, Lord” he laments.

He reminds me of me!

I have known God’s faithfulness in my life, I have witnessed a few miracles, I have felt God’s peace and His comfort in times of great sorrow and yet when I am faced with disappointments, or the death of a loved one or the shattering of a dream I thought was from God, I too, sit down and cry out to God “I have had enough, Lord”.

Elijah falls asleep (or if he was anything like me, he cried himself to sleep) and while he is sleeping an angel of the Lord bakes a loaf of bread for him over hot coals and fills a jar with water and then gently touches him and says “Get up and eat”.  A few days later God speaks to him in a gentle whisper and then gives him an assistant in the form of Elisha to keep him company and to help him do what God has prepared for him to do.

God does not accuse Elijah of lack of faith, there are no recriminations about the fact that he ran away in fear.  God does not accuse him of being a coward and lambaste him for feeling sorry for himself.

Instead, God commands His angel to feed Elijah and to ensure that he has a good sleep and then God, Himself, speaks directly to Elijah and to top all this off He then gives Elijah a companion who will accompany him on his journey!

God treats each one of us in the same way.  His love and forgiveness is overwhelming.  When we are overcome by our own sins, mistakes, fears, hurts, God longs to comfort us and care for us and through the death and resurrection of His Son He has made a way for us to be reconciled to Him.  We don’t have to wallow in self-pity when we feel we have blown it/sinned against Him/failed – all we need to do is to take some time out, pray to Him, sleep, eat, rest and then wait for Him to speak to us.

God “does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities”.

Our God is “compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.”

Image courtesy of Google

1 Kings 18, 19

Psalm 103

MARRIAGE AND A SILVER TEA POT CONTINUED .......

The actual title should be ‘Marriage and a Silver Tea Pot from a Man’s Point of View Told by a Woman!’

In a previous blog I stated that “life is not fair” because I felt that I had to compromise far more than my husband ever had too in the early years of our marriage. On reading the article my husband, Steve, said, “That brings back memories of me always having to be on my guard about what I said to you in those early days”.

I had very little sense of self-worth and struggled with feelings of inadequacy and would often perceive his comments to me as being critical or hurtful when that was not his intention at all. He could have gotten totally fed-up with me being so sensitive all the time but instead he chose to be careful about what he said to me and the tone in which he said it. It was not easy because he has a wonderful sense of humor and would often joke about things and I would get upset and withdraw from him and not speak to him for a few days!

Steve had to compromise with himself about speaking openly and honestly to me in case I took offense. He was a living example of the verse in 1 Peter 4:8:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (wrong attitudes, mistakes)”.

He chose to be patient with me and to continue to love me despite the way I behaved towards him.

I thought it would be interesting to ask some men what they compromised about in the early days of their marriages and their answers have left me with a deep admiration for their honesty and their incredible love for their wives and families. They also chose to compromise because they loved.

Angus Campbell said,

One of the important things about compromise is that it’s not necessarily only about one person compromising for another to enable a positive outcome in the home. It can also be about one person in the marriage compromising with self when faced with choice. So in my example I had to do just that when needing to prioritize the things that were most important to me in building a marriage and family that I wanted.

I was a professional footballer and football was always a big part of my life even before marriage. Problem with that passion of mine is that it put a lot of distance between myself and family. I came to realize that in my list of priorities, Berna and the family needed to be number 1. That was according to my goals for the family. I made the tough choice to turn my back on the pro game and rather give myself more time to be at home. One of the wisest trades I made with myself and I live with no regrets and a marriage and home that has strong foundations and good walls. Still working on the roof and interior decorating but that will be a never ending story.

I guess that what I am saying is that compromise to build a marriage does not always require a trade between both parties. There are many times that out of necessity the trade is and should be with yourself if you are honest and courageous enough to go to that dark space.”

Randall Oliphant said,

My wife and l had a fairly long courtship before we got married and thus l was of the opinion that we knew each other fairly well. However, in the first few years of our marriage we did not set apart a special time to talk and map our way forward. Challenges were created by this but looking back now, that is what we should have done.

One of my greatest comprises l experienced was Consideration. l am by nature a very spontaneous character and so friends and social activities were just pounced onto my wife without considering any circumstances or emotion or tiredness she may have felt or experienced. As an unmarried couple, we were extremely busy with many social engagements and had absolutely no responsibilities whatsoever except to get up for work the following day. And without any thought l expected this to continue. God blessed me with an absolutely Amazing Life Partner and in her wisdom and patient manner, she brought certain realities to my attention. I was in fact so shocked to realize that we definitely were not living in a ‘Get up and Go’ environment any longer.

The other major compromise l had to make was to accept that even though l was always my wife’s prime consideration and she always made me feel like l was the ‘King of her Castle’, l was rudely awakened to the fact that when our son was born, he immediately occupied a huge part of her Heart and time. This became a huge problem for me as it started to affect our ‘intimate time’ and l started to retrieve to a very lonely period of my life. Questions like ‘why did l even commit to the institution of marriage when l am not able to experience the benefits and blessings thereof?’ Is my spouse even aware that she had moved me into another chamber of her heart? By nature l simply hate to be confrontational and as such l bottled up all these emotions within me, not even attempting to convey my feelings and emotions to my spouse. My wife literally breathed Baby and Home and what’s for supper and Pediatrician appointments and her whole world revolved around all of those factors. My response was simple, l ploughed all my time into my work and the Family business at the time with long hours which ultimately rendered me completely fagged out and ready to sleep at the end of a day. Fortunately an opportunity arose where we found ourselves in a space where we could have a meaningful conversation and a platform for us to express what we were feeling and because our relationship had a good foundation of 7 years courtship, we both realized that we were, in fact, just considering our individual needs and not the needs of us as a couple. It meant compromise on my part and a broader understanding of the overall needs of the family and our home and the realization of the responsibilities l had, not only as a Husband, but also that of being a Father.”

Suffice it to say that these men embody the following:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

There are many times that out of necessity the trade is and should be with yourself if you are honest and courageous enough to go to that dark space.”

Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/2014/10/marriage-and-a-silver-tea-pot-continued/
Previous blog post http://godspromisebook.blogspot.com/2014/10/marriage-and-silver-tea-pot.html

HOW EASILY WE FALL FROM GRACE IN OUR CHILDRENS EYES

I am, and always have been, a firm believer in the following verse “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret.”  (Matthew 6:3,4)

For the purposes of this story, however, I am going to discount that advice this once!

During the week my twelve year old daughter and I were browsing in a bookshop.  I noticed a lady standing next to us, she was neatly dressed but you could see that she was not wealthy by any means.  As I watched her she took a Bible from the shelf, looked at the front cover, turned it around and just held it for a while and then she put it back on the shelf.  She looked at some other books and then went back to the same shelf and repeated her actions with the Bible and then, with a sigh, she put it back.

I turned to her and asked her whether I could buy her a Bible?  She looked at me and nodded.  I took the Bible from the shelf that she had been looking at, it was a King James version, and asked her if this was the one.  She nodded her head and then told me it was far too expensive.

I told her not to worry and went to the counter with her, paid for the Bible and handed it to her with a hug and a “God bless you”.

She did not say a word – just looked at me in disbelief.

My daughter and I turned to walk out of the shop and she ran after us and asked me my name.  I told her, gave her another quick hug and then walked on.

She stood there looking after us as if she had just seen an angel – believe me, she certainly had not!

As we walked out the shop my daughter said to me “Mom, that was such a lovely thing that you just did for that lady”.  I explained to her that we do not give ‘sacrificially’ and that compared to the financial status of the lady in the bookshop, we were very wealthy.

Wealth is totally relative to your circumstances.  To someone living in a squatter camp in a tin shanty with no running water, electricity or inside toilet, the person who lives in a township in a brick house and has water on tap is extremely wealthy. Now to that person someone who lives in a suburb and has both running water, electricity and a car is wealthy beyond measure compared to them.  The list goes on and on.

We had just had a breakfast in a restaurant (even though we had plenty of food at home) for the same price that the Bible cost.  I can almost guarantee you that the lady in the bookshop has never had a meal in a restaurant because her money goes towards just being able to put food on the table.

Later that morning we went into another shop to return an electronic item that was giving problems.  We were sent from one area to another.  There were only two staff on duty in a huge electronics department – one had disappeared and the other one was busy and the general standard of service was deplorable.  Needless to say, I became very impatient and abrupt with the person who finally served us.  I have a feeling my daughter felt I was being rude – I think my behavior fell just short of being rude but I certainly would not get into a debate about it with her as I have a feeling she would win!

As we were walking out the shop my daughter turned to me and said “Well, Mom, you certainly have cancelled out the good deed you did this morning”.

I was mortified, I wanted to crawl under a stone and stay there for the rest of the day.

She was right and it was a good reminder to me that our bad attitudes and behavior do cancel out our good deeds.

I felt, in that moment, that this verse in Revelation was written about me “…for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God”.

It is so easy to do a good deed but so difficult not to swear at people driving recklessly or to not be rude to shop assistants when their service is lousy.

Matthew 5:16 states “…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

Thank you daughter of mine for that reminder!

DIVORCE HURTS KIDS (WHO THEN GROW INTO HURT ADULTS)

This blog IS for the mothers and fathers who have divorced and then ‘abandoned’ their children somewhere along the road of life.

It is NOT for the mothers and fathers who have divorced and have struggled through their own pain to love and comfort and care for their children.  Those are the parents “who love beyond themselves”.

I posted a poem entitled “I never knew you” to Facebook.  Within days it had been shared 300 times and there were 131 comments made on the post and many more on the shared pages.

Teenagers and grownups are suffering because of divorce.

The following are a few of the comments that were made:

I sent this to my dad, and didn't even get a reply

I feel exactly like this...but I thought I was the only one with this feeling

I knw d feeling,m feeling it ryt nw.I so wish he could read ths

I feel de same way and i always wanted som1 to tell my story thanks

Reading this with tears in М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ eyes!! _ knowing that God is restoring households!! and mending broken hearts!!

I wish the father of my child could read this

 Mmm X wens die vaders kn dt lees en besef wter leed hlle an hulle kinders doen (mmm I wish the fathers could read this and see the damage they are doing to their children)

I wish that all father's can read this and understand what these children go through in life

I wish my dad can read this

How many fathers don’t want to know or acknowledge their children or want only to be part of certain children’s lives the others must carry on. I see the hurt the children suffer because their father has rejected one the others he accepted. Sad. God must deal with them.

Ouers dat dit n eye opener vir julle wees Di is regtig hartseer (Parents let this be an eye opener It is really heart sore)

 Story of my life

It’s like you are talking to my dad

This is only 13 comments out of a 131 and in the time it has taken me to copy these comments 11 more comments have been made.

The wonderful news for me and these teenagers and adults is the fact that:

God, however, has seen every tear that we have cried and He has lovingly "recorded all my tears and preserved them in His bottle! He recorded every one in His book" (Psalms 56:8)

How wonderful is that - God has seen and recorded every tear we have ever cried and with compassion in His heart has collected those tears and kept them, and us, close to His heart.
He is also the One who "will wipe away all tears" (Isaiah 25:8)

Jesus came into this world "to BIND UP the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, ....to COMFORT all who mourn, and PROVIDE for those who GRIEVE...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of GLADNESS instead of MOURNING, and a garment of PRAISE instead of a spirit of DESPAIR" (Isaiah 61:1-3)

God is our HEAVENLY FATHER and Jesus our COMFORTER

I NEVER KNEW YOU

Just because I’m not with you,
Does not mean I’m not here.
Just because I am a child,
Does not mean you can forget me.
I’ve got a right to know what you are doing,
I’ve got a right to expect to be loved by you.
I want to be part of your life,
I want to be needed by you.
But you will never need me,
You are too self-contained.
Just because I’m not with you,
Just because I cannot share your life,
Does not mean I don’t love you,
Does not mean I don’t need you.
Sometimes I watch a father and a child,
Laughing together,
At something only they can see.
We will never be able to share that kind of feeling,
Because I don’t know you and you don’t know me.
And it’s too late now to understand each other,
Because when we meet,
We are strangers -and yet- you gave me life.

"The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces"
Isaiah 25:8

Extract from “God’s Promise for Families”

MARRIAGE AND A SILVER TEA POT!

Marriage is made up of many different components. I chose the word component deliberately as the dictionary states it is a ‘constituent part or aspect of something more complex” and if something is complex it is made up of various interconnected parts, and believe me when I tell you, that once you are married, your marriage consists entirely of interconnected parts!

“For this reason a man will…..be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). You cannot get anymore ‘interconnected’ than that.

The challenge here, however, is the fact that before you took your marriage vows, you were both two individual beings, with two different upbringings, maybe even different cultures or races and now you are ‘interconnected’. One of the most important ways to stay that way is to COMPROMISE. To compromise means to find a midway point between the two of you that you can both agree on when you have different ideas, and sometimes it means that one or the other of you actually has to yield or concede entirely to a request/need/desire of the spouse.

I am speaking now about compromising in the “living together on a daily basis” areas of your marriage. Hopefully, by the time you walked down the aisle and out of the church with your new spouse you had already ‘compromised’ on things like where you were going to worship as a couple, how many children you each want, whether you would agree to take an in-law into your home if the need arose etc. This is why premarital counselling is vital, because it is during these counselling sessions, that those subjects are discussed and debated on, and hopefully solutions that both spouses can live with, are found if there are any major differences.

I will give you an example of two (of the many) compromises that my husband and I made in the first months of our marriage. I am the only person I have ever known whose husband brought a tea pot into the marriage! Steve is from Northern Ireland and when he left there in 1990 to come to South Africa, his mother bought him a silver tea pot as a going away gift. For the first time in my life I learnt that there was a whole ritual involved when making a cup of tea.

I had always just put a tea bag into a cup, filled the cup up with boiling water, let the tea bag soak a wee while and then taken it out, added some milk and ‘hey presto’ a lovely cup of tea! My husband, however, had never drunk a cup of tea made in that way before.

The correct way to make tea is as follows:

1. You boil the kettle
2. You then pour a little bit of hot water into the tea pot, swirl it around (to warm the pot) and then throw it out into the sink
3. Put two tea bags into the pot (for two cups of tea) and fill the pot up with the necessary amount of water
4. Place tea pot on the stove and let it brew for a few minutes on a low heat
5. Put a little milk into two cups
6. Pour tea into the tea cups

I did this every morning for three months after we got married! At the beginning of the fourth month when I walked into the kitchen to make tea I thought to myself “I am not going to go through this rigmarole for the rest of my life”. I made sure Steve could not see me, put a tea bag into a cup, let it stew for a little while, took it out and added a little milk and then took the cup to my husband.

He took three sips, looked at me and said “You made this in the cup. You didn’t use the tea pot”.

Now, this is where the compromise came in. I could have decided that a) I was never going to make him a cup of tea again b) I would continue to make it in the cup and he would just have to get used to it or c) I would continue the “rigmarole” of making the tea in a tea pot for the rest of my life.

If I had chosen a) or b) it would have caused a lot of friction between Steve and I and would have been an issue every day of our lives. Because I love Steve and because that is the way he likes his tea I made the conscious decision that I would take the extra time, every morning for the rest of my life, to make the tea his way. It was a major compromise for me.

Steve had to compromise on face/dish cloths! (Well, no-one ever said life was fair!!)

Ever since he was a young boy he had rinsed the face/dish cloth out, then squeezed the excess water out of it with one hand and just left it bundled up on the sink/wash basin. This really used to upset me. I mean how on earth is the cloth meant to dry properly if the water is not squeezed out with both hands, the cloth then shaken and  laid out on a surface? I could not believe he could not see my point – it was so obvious!

Steve decided, that because he loved me and wanted me to be happy, he would compromise and unlearn a habit of a life time to please me EVEN though it made no sense to him.

So, if you walk into our home you will see the same silver tea pot sitting on the top of the stove in the kitchen and all the face/dish cloths laid out neatly on various surfaces. We have both been compromising for 22 years now and we don’t even think about it any more!

“Love ……is not self-seeking”  (1 Corinthians 13:5)

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Noelene Curry

Noelene Curry lives in Cape Town, South Africa with her Irish husband, three daughters, one dog and two rabbits. Noelene is a public speaker and author of God’s Promise for Families. On her blog, she writes about God’s redeeming love and His ability to restore people and relationships. Her passion in life is for couples, not just to stay married, but to be happily married. She loves reading, walking, traveling and bush camping. Connect with her on Facebook.

Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/