WHY?

Amy with one of the patients at St Joseph's Home for Children

One of the most common words used in the English language must be the word WHY?

The dictionary defines ‘why’ as follows:  for what reason, purpose or cause?  An expression of surprise, disagreement, indignation”.

The majority of us struggle with the question of ‘why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?”  Incredible that, as I was typing this, my 12 year old came into my office and read me an essay she had written.  The title was “Why?” I listened in amazement as my child verbalized this age old question.

“Why? Why would God make the world if He knew that it would be destroyed?  Why would He make the world if life for some people in this world would be destroyed or hurt for no reason?  For a little child will lose its mother like a lamb alone in a field, hurt and broken inside.  Why?  This child who has done no wrong has now lost its mother.  Why would God let this child suffer?  Why?” (Emma Jane Curry)

Often, the answer to that question has got nothing whatsoever to do with God.  It has to do with bad decisions the government of the country has made, or wrong choices our parents or grand-parents may have made or even the consequences of our own wrong doing. 

God created us because He wanted a relationship with us.  He gave us freedom of choice because, if He had not, we would be robotic creatures unable to form a relationship or interact with Him.

I heard the following story the other day and it highlighted for me the verse “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. (Romans 8:28)

There was a king who had a devoted servant.  This servant loved the Lord and was continually praising God for His goodness.  The king and the servant went hunting one day and a lion attacked the king.  The servant managed to fight the lion off but, alas, the king lost his index finger.  The lion had managed to bite it off!  The king was really upset and what made it worse was the fact that the servant told him he should be grateful to God for sparing his life.  All the king could think of was the pain and the fact that his finger was missing. He could not believe that his servant was praising God for this so he had the servant thrown into jail.  A few days later the king went hunting and was captured by a tribe who offered human sacrifices to their gods.  The king was bound and laid on an altar in preparation for the sacrificial ritual to begin when the tribe suddenly noticed that he had a finger missing.  This caused great consternation as it was forbidden to sacrifice anyone who was ‘incomplete’. They cut his cords and allowed him to go free.  When he finally made it back to his village, the first thing he did was to go straight to the jail and set his servant free.  He explained to the servant that if it had not been for the missing finger he would be dead. The servant then proceeded to give all thanks and glory to God!  The king listened for a little while and then posed this question, “If your God is so good and amazing WHY did He allow you to be thrown into jail?”  The servant replied, “Because, my king, if I had been hunting with you, I too would have been captured. And when they discovered that you had a part missing I would have been sacrificed in your stead!  Thank God I was in jail!”

We have no idea what the future holds but I do know that our time here on earth is very short compared to eternity! If we accept Jesus as our Saviour we will be spending eternity with God and the things that we experienced here on earth will fade into insignificance.

When the question why besets me I think about the answer Oswald Chambers once gave his wife.  They had just been to visit a friend who was suffering from typhoid fever and was close to death and she asked, “I wonder what God is going to do?”  Oswald replied, “I don’t care what God does.  It’s what God is that I care about”.

When the word why reverberates in my head I hold onto these words that God spoke:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;  and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;  the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior ……Do not be afraid, for I am with you”.  (Isaiah 43:1-3, 5)

EPIPHANY MOMENTS!

A few weeks ago I wrote about having had three epiphany (ah hah) moments in my life.  I had written about my third epiphany moment and after reading the blog someone asked me what the other two had been.

My second epiphany moment happened quite a few years ago.  I have a friend, Penny Joy Day, who is a narrative therapist.  I met her when my children were still very young and over the years I have phoned her up and said “HELP!”

One day Penny listened to me ramble on and on and on about my insecurities about being a mother, my incessant worry over my children and the fact that I ‘carried’ their hurt all the time.  If they were lonely or felt that they didn’t fit in with their peers or if a friend had been nasty to them I would jump in and try and ‘fix’ things or I would try and compensate in other ways for their being hurt or sad.

Eventually Penny stopped me rambling and asked this question “Noel, what do you want for your children?” to which I immediately replied “I want them to be happy!”

AND this is where I had my second epiphany moment!  Penny said “Noel, you cannot want that for your children.  If they never experience unhappiness, how will they know what happiness feels like?  If they never experience failure, how will they ever know the joy of success?  If they were never bullied or hurt or lonely or depressed, how will they be able to develop empathy for others who are experiencing these feelings?”

In other words how will we or our children be able to grow into our full potential as human beings if we do not experience pain, hurt and disappointment.  It is what we do with these emotions that is important.

I realized then that if my children were to grow and develop into compassionate and caring individuals they would need to experience failure, sadness, depression and loneliness in order to appreciate success, happiness, a good mental attitude and to learn the value of friendship.

My responsibility was to allow them to experience, feel and express the full gamut of these emotions.  One of the biggest gifts I could give them was the gift of listening without trying to jump in and fix everything for them.  To advise them, to guide them and then to let them have the freedom to manage and own their emotions.

If I am asked the same question today “Noel, what do you want for your children?” my response is “I want them to grow up with a sense of their own self-worth.  With the knowledge that no matter what happens to them in life they will be able to overcome any difficulty.  I want them to grow up in the knowledge that God loves them and desires the best for them”.

I want them to grow up believing and living the second greatest commandment that Jesus gave us.

“Love your neighbor as you love yourself” (Matthew 22:39)

I want them to be able to love themselves in order that they can love others.

I will write about my first epiphany moment some time in the future!